“Life is a matter of choices and every choice YOU make makes YOU “
is surprising that people do look for answers for their issues – all around
them and not within themselves. Easily, the most superior species on the face
of the planet is capable of better.
We can move on and tackle every sticky situation that crop up – if we hold firm to our choices or decisions- decisions that are rational and driven by self-belief or sometimes just instinct.
If we look around, I bet you’ll have one story from every
one about how they made an imperative decision and further how they regret it
or how they have gained abundantly from it.
Is there a middle ground? No, it rather behaves just like our computers who understand either a 0 or a 1!
thus all that built my premise well as I rather reflect upon a year of
difference that has gone by and subjectively speaking – a year of Adulting
kicking in !
So back in September, I ended up in this city of Nawabs, explicitly famous for its Biryani – Hyderabad.
Frankly speaking, I always wanted to become responsible and stay away from home as early as 2nd year in college and I successfully evaded getting posted in Kolkata-though invoking slight discontent in the family…………….. But am I a chocolate that makes almost everyone happy? I’ll make them happy after I make something out of myself.
I long back had all the sand castles built in my sub-conscious mind about how my independent earning life would be- Freedom, Flexibility, a tinge of aristocracy (put into doubt by the meager pay I had), new friends, possibly a girlfriend and mostly building a stable future.
Well, the real picture is always as illusionary like a bag full of air having chips in it!
I ended up staying in a mediocre PG(that served the typical hostel food) with two people, with whom I took a lot of time to just get along. The city was refreshing and had me in its awe for quite long for its amazing roads, tolerance to Hindi and the enormous sumptuous food options it offered.
To talk about friends – I was getting started yet not the same could be said about my career as like 90% of the crowd, I was talked into working in a support project. Not that I possessed skills sets that deserved otherwise, but I would have definitely taken up a challenge or chance if given.
I never could code, yet within two months of disjointed Python training, I was leading from the front for my project team to build an UNIX application from scratch. Certainly, the nascent positivity and confidence was washed out by the monotonous task I was supposed to do in my support project. Yet, I was no way ashamed as I respected my limitations and my target to prepare well for CAT.
had bought time for myself, running away from comfortable settings and the
warmth of home and ushering into my independent stint of self-dependency – the
long term goal was always well defined!
One of my adored college pals soon joined me in the city and even though we wanted to stay as a unit together, our individual priorities would have none of it. I had a known one – a mile far yet there!
I also ran into adventures and the best of the lot had to be the girl whom I liked a ton and seemingly vice versa too. She was the real glue holding me together in those much usual months in Hyd, I never missed an opportunity to care or make her feel loved and after the childhood fiasco with my ex. Probably this was my first proper fling with a girl- like a real, intimate and happening case.
Each day with her was like a celebration in itself for me.
I was in no mood to forge any relationships that would demand more time than my targets and thus I restrained. The feelings weren’t and I somehow got jam-packed with emotion and expectations leading to stand-offs and conflicts that shook me hard and made me realize how hard It is to have a two way- relationship.
Life always teaches you the harsh lessons quite bitterly like a sweet poison.
I apologized and resumed the good friends equation to make my life better. Ironically, I could only call out her as the only person to whom I mattered in Hyderabad. Hopefully, she will stick around irrespective of her feelings, if any for me; just like I have.
Hyderabad has given me many firsts – of which one would be quite sportingly drinking and dancing in pubs-a great evolution for me. Now, I did not judge people instantly and tried to listen more than speaking.
Silver Linings are always there and it was the regular 2 hours spent on Sundays at Youngistan Foundation- a NGO I had joined to elongate my social service career post 4 long Rotaract years. Helping people would be instant delight and doing it with a community of people from different spheres of life and exploring parts of the city I never imagined turned out quite awesome.
And then there was my Partial Paralysis of legs for which again in a first I was on a wheelchair and admitted in a hospital. Financially it me hard, yet it gave me a first-hand perspective of many things –like people who really cared ! It taught me to appreciate the smallest of my abilities even to walk- because I was crippled mentally more than physically for the few hours that I was.
What next ? – I moved into a flat giving absolutely no damn about my TCS friends and their opinions because they always stalled any attempts I made for a decent flat life. You should listen to suggestions only till they coincide with your areas of interest. Initially, I felt alone among random flatmates and no regular outlet to vent our daily gossip or frustration, but days passed by and I realized that cooking your own food, renting your own bed and having a pleasing view of rains from the balcony appeals more to me than limiting myself because of others.
A college friend re-union at Bangalore and a memorable trip to Pondicherry were sandwiched in between and definitely I had the best time of my lives with them all that while. However, I realized that college was a lot different and in real life, it is very hard to make good friends or even retain them. Over time just like the money depreciates, so does your value in many lives.
Not bad either- you make choices and you live by them – How long shall we move around with groups of sixes and sevens and seeking approval for n number of things.
any further or it would look like my one year biography. I would step aside
here. I have learnt a lot – loads of positives and handful of distraught and a
lot more is yet to be applied in the next instance that comes up.
4th September was a proper 1 year marker !
one year to being accountable for your actions,
one year to earning your bread and butter,
one year to more living for yourself than friends,
one year to hustle and looking out to attain stability instead of acceptance,
one year closer to Death,
one year to be proud of and not regretting my choices
one year to Adulting !